When I started this tech blog, I never intended to write about personal issues. So this is my first try to write about love. I fell in love a few years ago and rushed into an intimate relationship pretty early in my life. I did not know what a relationship with another person really meant, at the time. I had seen lots of movies and met lots of happy couples and families, so I had certain expectations.
What struck me the most was the feeling to have someone who truly loves you for no apparent reason. For those of you who had a very trusting and joyful relationship to parents might have experienced it before. Not for me. I am not saying I was not loved. But I never had that physical contact to my family as you see in the movies, when mothers cuddle their newborn baby, watch them grow and are always there for their problems. I had to deal with my own problems, which is what made me strong, but I missed the opportunity to experience the physical connection to another person.
Let us go back to this wonderful person, who fell in love with me nearly at the same time as I did. We were too young to know about love, we were stupid, naive. Hell, we did not even know how to deal with an “I love you”. We talked about love, marriage, kids and being together. It was not even legally permitted to drink a beer for us at the time, but we talked to each other like we had some special connection.
We lost touch pretty soon after I confessed my feelings for her. It was crushing, heartbreaking, I felt unworthy and sick. I concentrated on school and started intensively to learn about computers and programming. There was a time where I had an emotional breakdown and publicly declared I would “never code again for the rest of my life”. As I said before, I was technically a teenager, so I chuckle when I think about it now, but at the time it felt like my only reason to live.
Later, I started to go out more with friends who would support me and who shared my passion for technology. Girls were still a difficult topic, because I managed to fall in love with any girl who smiled at me. Maybe you can relate. I respected and loved women, but I dealt with girls, which was a problem, because…you know, “girls are crazy”. They were immature as I was, so I never really succeeded. I knew how to be romantic (thank you, movies), but for girls it felt “creepy” and “awkward”.
Fast forward to the young-but-adult-enough-to-drive me. I started to talk to the love of my life again, but neither of us knew I was still in love with her. I thought “Long absent, soon forgotten”, but it did not work for me. We started to date in secret, met “casually” in public, but kept our true feelings for ourselves.
What I learned about this experience: People notice. People who care about you notice when you are in love. I did not know at the time, it was my mother who told me I was in love. And I did not believe it. I would pay to slap my past self in the face, seriously!
Now I am having a serious relationship to a beautiful woman who sacrifices a lot of herself to be with me. I want to thank her for being herself and for always listening to her heart. I love you!
Dear reader, please respect and appreciate every moment you can be with your loved ones. Be grateful! Open yourself to accept love and believe in love! I did and I became happy. I feel like the luckiest person on this planet and I had to share my luck with you. I hope you appreciated this little story.
Good luck finding what I found. The eternal love.